The final term at school has been tough to say the least because:
- I am taking seven courses.
- I am missing home too much.
- I have been rejected by three grad schools that I applied to.
- Physically, I am not in a good shape.
The first two reasons can be coped fairly easily by: studying harder and sleeping less, and distracting myself by reading and watching interesting stuff.
The third reason, however, makes me feel like there could be something inherently wrong with myself. I am fully aware that schools are taking many more applications since the pandemic started; another reason could be that as an engineering student, competing with other computer science students is just too difficult. Or, perhaps I said something in my personal statements that those schools did not like. Regardless, this is a problem that I will probably never get an answer to. I see it as the same as applying for jobs where I would just get straightout rejected or ghosted, which I have already gotten used to.
The last one, well, could just be due to the stress I have been having which made my body more susceptible. I have had two fevers due to potential food poisoning or allergy. I have been recovering and am feeling much better, but the damage has already been done and slowed me down significantly. I have a lot to catch up.
As you can tell, this post is not that positive :sweat_smile:. It’s because I’m simply stating the facts, and it could get even worse in a few weeks as we need to crank out our capstone project, stay up late for assignments and projects, and prepare for exams. I still have a couple of schools that haven’t released their decisions. Even if I get more offers, I still have a “first-world” problem to solve - decide where I want to go.
The funny thing is that this is the first time in my life where I feel “lost”: the decision that I need to make will completely change my life, and yet I am not sure where I want to be which makes the decision process even harder.
Am I being too cautious? I don’t consider myself a perfectionist because if I were, I would live miserably and burn out, and have no friend or interests because nothing is perfect. Or, is it because now I need to make these decisions on my own and swallow my own pills completely? Am I chickening out?
Over the next few weeks, I believe that I will sort everything out.